138 Last words

From: NebulaX [e-mail] Date: 2010-09-21 02:01:58 Title: Last words

Some words concerning some important aspects (to me) about my time building and living in SPCC.

Communnity building and social regeneration:

• First days, even before we find the SPC building,when we started to talk about squatting and making a cultural/social center, i was really skeptical about the team we had by that time. My beliefs where that for that project to work we would need a strong team, based on strong values (similar) and ideologies, to take such project in such a huge space. I loved every single person in the initial team, no doubts about it, i was just skeptical about their profiles to run and work such a project. Since the begging i proved that to my self. Despite the fact that everyone involved in the project were amazing human beings, the group it self didn't had much values in common, ways of working, attitudes, ways of communicating, ideologies, etc. The main idea for SPCC was to make a place where diverse tribes could unite, share (space and knowledge) and create freely. That was the cultural part, and the initial design. Later on, we thought about using that design to regenerate people. How? We thought that people could regenerate if they were exposed to the setting we were building at SPCC. I always thought that everybody should be entitled to have free access to these main things: Education, food, shelter, culture and knowledge. Having all of this, they are then free to work on themselves as individuals, and free to search for their place in this society. We were only providing the tools for them to use freely, without imposing anything. At some point that social part of the center became more strong and important, and for me a priority in some kind of way, since a group of people that we didn't knew from nowhere started to live with us. Although, not included in the project, and despite the fact that we had agreed that nobody else should become a resident in SPCC, the doors were open to them, as we though that they needed what we were providing, and therefor could be part of the regeneration process 24/7. It failed completely, i think. Although everything was provided (me and J, in the beginning and J only from there on, providing food and other supplies, me and our guests building everything up, J building up electricity, plumbing, etc, making everything cozy and comfortable) they did not broke free from their fucked up lifestyles. It failed and i made the huge mistake (again..still learning how to break free from that) to get emotionally involved in this subject. Except from getting free food, free booze (therefor saving more money to have drugs, which also means busk less time in the street), they did not enjoyed, used or learned anything from that house. Hardly tried to communicate with our guests, although i offered my self to teach them english, never attended workshops, never participated in the building process even in if they were seeing me doing something, or J, or one of my guests. Besides the main things that we supplied, we tried that they could feel part of the building process "do something you like, you want to share, if you need anything to do that, we supply". I thought that, since they love concerts, they would love to be part of the building process of the stage. Therefor i started to work on the chill out (the space for workshops, documentaries, free internet and freeshop while J was working) and started to encourage them (by many ways, soft and rough) to participate in something that they enjoy. Only on the last month (in 7) the stage was being built, also because a person from outside came and started to do something with it. In the end, we had only one punk concert, which is a pity i think, against several events we made, related to many sub-cultures. Positively, in that same concert (excluding some misunderstandings that generated some issues) they realized what they could've done in that place (they told that to me and J). And i sincerely hope, even though i don't think we where successful in the regeneration process, that at least with the concert they saw what they can do with squatting. Something that they can do for themselves and others. I also hope that they learned (as well as me, that had that idea for a long time, but in this place it became a strong concept) that when you do something it's not for you, it's for someone that will be enjoying that. Also it doesn't matter how, when, and who did it. Just fucking do it, because someone will enjoy it. Share, because someone will appreciate it and will need it.

I don't think that SPCC was perfect (nothing is). But i think that SPCC missed some more diversity, just because of some social, communication, and personality problems, from in and outside the house. Somehow the punk scene wasn't very much active in the house (ok, they where there and in a big number, the kids cleaned, and helped but never was enough for something more concret to happen, like a concert, or a general public event). The industrial scene proved themselves to be EXTREMELY closed and with a lot of prejudice towards this kind of intervention, which doesn't surprises me considering the path that all subcultures are experiencing, but it's a bit..stupid if we think about the ideological aspects of the industrial scene in the beginning. Mostly, i think this only happened because we didn't had a group of builders strong enough, with diversity enough and with same basic traces in their character such has: being generous, enjoying working and building for others and finally and most importantly being respectful and tolerant towards difference. The majority of the residents have a different vision of what a squat/cultural center is and how should be managed, which is not wrong, because above all, for me there is no right or wrong, there are just different perspectives.

Things done and experiences lived:

• Living there was not only bad things, in fact good things where much greater then the bad things. We had TONS, LOADS, of visitors from around the world. Started with networks like couchsurfing and helpex, some of them from the street, ONE FROM GOOGLE (!!! My favorite, wtf, a google guest!!), mouth-to-mouth guests from Boom festival (amazing surprise here!), the invaders from hitch hiking gathering tour, and no matter from where or how they got there, we sure met some amazing individuals! Most of them were very artistic, extremely intelligent, generous, participative, funny, and in general wonderful human beings, that provided so much for the community, that shared the same vision as we did because it was natural or for some of them because they wanted to know and learn from it and lived that for some days. They told us a lot of stories, interesting facts, participated in such amazing debates. They where from all over the world, from a lot of sub cultures. The parties we made where also great as well as the workshops, the painting days, the barbecues etc, etc. Experiencing that building as a canvas was the most powerful thing to me, specially on the 2nd floor. I pretty much enjoyed being free to use my imagination and creativity without almost any boundaries,to be able to create such communal space, that so many people enjoyed and felt as theirs. And also (not surprisingly) being included in the regeneration process because it's impossible, at least for me not learning anything with such a strong and uncontrollable contact with so many persons, whether residents, friends, couchsurfers, random guests, etc etc.

I already left this project behind, some days ago mentally and yesterday physically. At some point i could not handle the clashes of personalities, the really hard communication processes, the HUGE lack of respect and tolerance, the violence (verbal and physical) between all of us that were part of the residents in this squat. I support diversity, yes. That doesn't mean that someone is obligated to live with certain facts (not stories as J pointed out in the last post), attitudes, ways of living in a house, hygiene habits, ways of working, etc etc. I could not handle or accept the fact that people that i loved were being fooled on and disrespected in several ways in front of my face or in my back. I chose not to live and cohabit with that. Therefor i left that squat for good. My mind is so wasted right now that i am not handling my emotions and feelings that well (in the next project i will just act as an observer without being emotionally part of it, as i always use to do).

I do respect the way of living, thinking, ideologies, habits, whatsoever of all of the guys that i referred to a lot in this blog. I also do like them as persons, i just did not chose to live with them and share a project with them, for the specific reasons that i pointed out along the way in this blog. Also, that is just my analysis of the subject, of the experience. It's my perspective, my experience, sometimes my emotions (some of the posts were written in high emotional moments, as i am a human being) through my eyes and through my self. None of what i wrote is to be taken personally, or as the absolute reallity by you that is reading the blog. If you are doing so, let me tell you that you will have a problem in your life, if every time this happens you take it too seriously. I am not angry with anyone, i never wanted to kick anyone out, or what others blurbs you might ear or your interpretation of my posts. I also do not care for any bad feelings anyone as for me because of this blog, as we could read in this website, or ear outside, or feel inside the squat. Seriously? It's a blog. It's the fucking internet, dude! It's my perspective spreaded on the internet. It's Big brother okupa! LAUGH! Just that. Be more critical, be more inquisitive and curious. Do not say Black or White, say every color!

In the end i just think that there is tons of space for each one of us. For the Eco-activists, the capitalists, the democrats, the nazis, the punks, the hippies, the gipsys, etc, etc. Although, for me there is no need for someone to put up with anything. Yes we can learn from each others (there is no perfect or super-duper-stereotype of human being) as we are as one, and everybody makes the whole. That's what's so interesting in human beings, and that's what i'm interested in knowing, learning and understanding. There is no right or wrong. There are perspectives of reality. As i'm used to say, everybody is in a little mountain in very different places looking towards different directions. The interesting exercise is to view through each one's eyes, and get a wider perspective of reality. But well, you don't need to live with it 24/7. Just pay a visit to each mountain every now and then and take whatever you think it's the best of that perspective, get back to your mountain and think about turning your head to some other direction...